Are you new to co-parenting during the holidays? Somehow, the ordinary holiday stressors seem to multiply when you add the element of divorce and custody schedules to the mix.
Take heart, as you are far from the first divorced parent to dread the upcoming holiday season. Here are some suggestions to help the season pass in peace and civility.
Keep it about the kids
Both co-parents should focus on giving their children the best holiday possible (and that doesn’t mean by overspending). Kids are especially affected by the shift in the family and may regress. It could be helpful to sing carols, watch a Christmas movie, or, maybe leave out some cookies and milk this year.
Carrying out old traditions is important now, but don’t be afraid of making new ones, too. Teach the kids about giving from the heart by being a Secret Santa for a family experiencing homelessness or volunteering to serve a holiday dinner for those going without. Perspective always helps bring things into a new light.
Be kind to yourself
This is a different kind of holiday, and it will hit that way. Prepare for it by being mindfully kind to yourself. Get a massage, book a spa weekend, whatever it takes to make you feel special and well cared-for.
Being good to yourself also means taking care of your mental and emotional health. Don’t overeat or drink too much to get through the next few weeks. Regret comes quickly in the new year. If you’re struggling, ask your doctor to recommend a therapist who treats patients in the throes of divorce and its aftermath. Therapy can help put things in perspective and stop the spiraling.
Compromise is at the heart of negotiation
Remember, if the kids have a happy holiday, everybody wins. If this will be the first year spent without your kids, you may want to head out of town for the holidays. Don’t be afraid to spend it with friends and other family, even if not the family you are accustom to celebrating with.
Whatever you do, you can use this period to strategize how to walk away from your marriage with the assets you need to begin anew.