Thinking ahead can be difficult when determining how child custody will work. The emotional and mental stress of the divorce can easily get overwhelming. Yet, the greater clarity you can achieve, the more effective your child custody agreement is likely to be.
One of the things to consider is how you will manage handovers. These may be one of the only times divorced parents have face-to-face contact, so they can easily turn into points of friction if not handled carefully.
1. Choose your timing carefully
Getting three schedules — yours, your ex’s and your child’s – to sync can be challenging. If possible, find a time when slight delays are not an issue. Knowing that one of you has to be somewhere else can add stress when someone gets delayed, which can easily happen. Many parents opt for evenings and weekends for this reason.
2. Pick a neutral location
Many parents arrange to collect or drop off the child at the other’s house. While this can work well, some people find the presence of their ex outside their house uncomfortable or even threatening – especially if they have a new partner.
If you opt for a neutral venue, pick a place where delays are not an issue, not somewhere where you are only allowed to stop for five minutes before risking a ticket. Some parents choose a cafe or local park to make waiting more enjoyable. Also, think about the distance each party must travel. It may soon feel unfair if one party always has to drive further.
Violent or aggressive exes are often best met in safe public places, perhaps with a friend or relation for company. Some parents even have someone else conduct the handover for them.
3. Agree to restrict the conversation
You may have things to discuss with your co-parent, but many topics are better handled without the children present. There are things your child does not need to overhear – and they certainly do not need to see you both agitated or arguing.
Let your co-parent know that you need to limit conversation during handovers to “need-to-know” information about the children, like who needs cold medicine and whose homework is in their backpack.
Experienced legal guidance can be of great help in navigating this and other matters in your divorce.