Telling your children that you are divorcing is never going to be easy. It’s a conversation many parents put off because they cannot decide how best to do it.
You cannot afford to leave it too long. There is a danger they interpret any behavioral changes in you as parents – such as being on edge because you are stressed about the divorce – as due to something they did wrong.
1. Tell them as a family, if possible
It is usually better for you and your spouse to break the news to your children as a team rather than just you or your spouse doing it. It helps the children understand that you will continue to work together for their benefit, even if you won’t all live in the same house anymore.
If you have more than one child, breaking the news to all of them at the same time is also wise. This is news they should hear directly from you, and there is a risk that if you tell one of them first, they may tell the others, and the message might not be transmitted in the best way.
2. Time it carefully
There is no ideal time to break the news, but some are worse than others. Try to avoid doing it close to a child’s birthday or a big holiday. Don’t do it when they are studying for a big test. Weekends are often best, as it gives the children time to process the news before school comes around on Monday. It also gives you more time to sit with them and talk some more about everything or answer questions than on a typical weekday.
3. You don’t have to tell them everything at once
Telling your children everything at once would likely be too much for them to take in. You and your spouse will have many issues to sort out before you finalize the divorce, and you cannot be sure how it will all turn out. Seeking early legal guidance can help you understand more about what comes next for you and your children.